Age is but a number..Maturity but an act. This is something i always believed in, everything we do is for someone else to see so maturity just another act in the book, but for all these things that we do there is a real meaning.. Maturity, love, societal care, love for our parents, civic responsibility these are all real things not illusions we potray to the world, theres no use hugging in every picture, sending flowers buying huge gifts if after a few mths its a different person.. Whats the use in donating only when theres a crowd or ure embarassed.. I cld go on and on but this is not why i started this entry...
Maturity, i think i know how to act matured, but these days i feel a slight maturity,real maturity, in me, i dnt get angry as fast as i used to, i tend to be slightly more logical and worst i keep my tongue when i know i shld...This blog was not left empty without reason, i had so many reasons and i cld have written till the cows come home because these last few weeks were eventful to say the least..But i left the words on tis screen empty cause i realised in these few years i wrote all i got from ppl was resentment and no1 seemed to realise its my blog and its my views... To those who fight back that i publish this in a medium where the world sees, i counter this with yes i do but this is my point of view and while u can view u cna comment u have to accept this is wat i feel and nothing else matters..
What i am most angered about is the same thing i had felt over the years, but just that now i dnt sit it out and write out at the spur of the moment, i sit and think about it, i try and guess the other person's reason for being that way or acting in that manner..Its ridiculous nowadays that in blogs we have to say i aint emo and that write emotionally inspired stuff...I was angered, sad and all other emotions so take this in watever way you want cause end of the day i knew wat i felt wen i read this again and thats all that mattered...
To three/four particular people, each time i calculated how many people i had coming you guys were the first i counted, heck i thought that the minute i need help you people were my cavalry but nowadays i wonder if you guys wld at least pick me up after i fall, i dnt knw whether i am harping on what i have done but each of you guys birthdays i usually left damn early to help out, i planned a mass call so we cld do a wish together and if alls worst i at least tried to be there on time... On my birthday my best guy fren wished me on facebook, my other two were either smses or wished on my celebrations two days after my birthday, so immaterial that i dnt even remember when or how they wished..The gift you guys bought me trust me i loved it i always wanteed a crumpler bag but if my fren had noticed i just bought two new bags and i am not complainin about my gift, i'll try to explain my disappointment.. I dnt realli care wat gift i get i care more about how much of planning or trouble you take to buy my present but there was a clear lack of this, one of you works with me and knows i had two new bags, the other knows who to ask if i had this thing or the other but nah...
Not being sour grapes and all but think about it, don't u feel really let down when you think the people you are closest to dnt remember to wish you at 12 midnight, and for the one single person who did, on facebook? i was so touched dude made my day... I treat you like a brother honestly a younger brother i dnt have but each time something on boobs gets attached to you the world becomes secondary to you.. u hurt me alot with the money issue and i am still scarring from it but just one note to let me remember clearer(not that i really need it), i cant say no to ppl whu ask me for money and i was a few days short of getting my pay and a fren asked me for money, i asked if you cld lend me and even if the person does not return i wld give you from my own pocket and u were hesitant but for a gal u met two mths ago and went on with less than two weeks a costly phone without contact without thought, i see clearly where i stand bro....very clear...
I understand that jobs school and all give alot of baggage we bring back sometimes even going back seems too tiring to do but i wonder if the japanese ppl u entertain sometimes seem to get more attention nowadays.. one day we decided to all take M.C and go out, nope u cant make it.. Dinner? nope cant make it.. K.L trip with just one day off nope cant make it..
I got so mad at u till i cant get mad and plain just forgot it..I invited you for my bdae cause you were at one time the closest fren i ever had, you were my white one and i told you everything, the one time i cried about a gal i told you about it and no one else yet i was like any other person to you innit, each time you found someone me and everyone else was nothing to you.. left like nothing...now you come back and i know wats awaiting me if i found it in me to accept you back...
To my lost fren, we met in primary school and you got lost, we met in Informatics and than you got lost, we meet during festive seasons and than you get lost again, sometimes i need help remembering that you are here.. its amazing the amounts of time i dnt even know whats your number or whether ure attached or ure still working the same place or not sarcastic or exaggerating when i say this but even if ure alive...U shld get facebook updates so at least i know ure breathing and so that when it comes to february than our good fren can wish you on facebook as well...
Each time you wanna talk and i try my best to help you but each time ure happy i dnt hear it... For two days we talked alot and all but after ur resolution i haven had one sms from you my dear.. I got nothing against you but i was always the person in the dark, the hidden plush toy we hide when someone else is around...Maybe once in a while we wld wanna talk, we wld wanna just say hey how was ur day... or maybe when we care for you and want to help you dnt take us for a stranger..
These are my five impt people i was pissed off mad, angry, at times sad and disappointed.. I wrote as best without naming you but i beleive you shld be able to guess who you guys are and most of you can guess the others so plz refrain me from F*ing you up by asking me whether were you talking about me? I do not really bother if you wanna get mad, u wanna have a blog war, or u want to plain shout scream... Bottomline is this is my view dnt like it move away... Easy as pie...
BUT there are some people whu really did alot for me and i never forget them... i had a old lady more than three times my age do most of my deco and staying up late and trying to make me have a great celebrations and at this age she looks after me as if i am three, thanks my lovely granny...
My mother nagged at every thing i bought, still complains that my Xmas tree deco is "horrible" and still complains of sores and money i wasted on this or that but she worked the hardest planned the most, fought alot for me and whatever bad came out of it is now absorbing it for me.. I am thankful for every single bit you did for me...
I had a fren i never really knew in sec sch, we kinda dated than we disappeared, she saw me in a train and we chatted up again, she invited me for her 21st and i didnt go i had work.. i invited her for mine and despite having something else on came very early so that she cld at least wish me in person and give me my gift.. i was super touched by it and i promise to repay it dear...
I had a fren who had a birthday party on the same day as the gal above, again work did not let me go to her birthday so i disappointed her quite abit, i wld say shes a close fren to me sometimes more.. many wld have never talked to me again but she was one of the first few to wish me and yesterday she still asked me how was everything did i enjoy myself, i never knew i had this good a fren till today... I wont forget this....
A brother from secondary school we are not as close as we shld be and pride then now makes it hard for us to be close as before but despite feeling so left out and not knowing much people you came for me and stayed till late... you made me smile and each time i came in and watched soccer with you guys i felt i was in company with people i truly am in good company with...
Lastly to a whole family that did so much for me, a gal who fretted over my present and bought me something not only i liked but serves as an inspiration to get my license, a younger gal who at times shows her immaturity by not knowing how to appreciate the love thats showered on her but at many a times reminds me of how a kid shows her love to a elder brother... I also never had a elder brother of my own or even in figure of but i now have one in you bro.. And these three are all related and best of all their parents are awesome too, their dad wished me slightly after midnight and the mum not only wished me but made them secretly buy me a gift too.. Thanks...
I cant name everyone that i am pissed with or happy just those that come to mind now, so i know i left out alot of others who helped me in everyway, i dont have ur name here but if u know me well i have a very good memory so ure etched in me...
Thanks everyone for making my bday bash a smash, lifes short to fight and to regret.. Live without regrets and love all
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